Tag Archives: Satire

Hollywood Celebrities Start Vax-A-Thon To Fight Antivaxxers!

Hollywood Celebrities Start Vax-A-Thon To Fight Antivaxxers!

Hollywood celebrities are angry at antivaxxers, and have started a Vax-A-Thon to fight back!

 

Hollywood Celebrities To Antivaxxers : Piss Off!

Hollywood celebrities aren’t the brightest bulbs in America, but even they have finally gotten angry at antivaxxers for constantly claiming that they were being killed or injured by the vaccine.

No one was spared – Betty White, Louie Anderson, Bob Saget, Taylor Hawkins, and the great Bruce Willis!

Even worse – antivaxxers went after their own, claiming that stridently antivax Meat Loaf died from his booster dose!

That led antivax Jessica Biel to tearfully plead in a recent Rolling Stone interview :

What they did to Meat Loaf was wrong. So unfair! We did so much for them and they turned on us!

I’m all natural, 100% Pure Blood detoxed a thousand times! If I die, it’s not because of the vaccine!

Read more : Did Bruce Willis Get Aphasia From COVID-19 Vaccine?!

 

Hollywood Celebrities Start Vax-A-Thon To Fight Antivaxxers!

When antivaxxers started going after Bruce Willis, something broke. Not a dam. Maybe the rose-tinted glasses they have been wearing in the past two years.

So they got together for some mimosas and decided to do something about it – A Vax-A-Thon, with a twist.

For every $1000 donation to the FDA, you will get an autographed card of your favourite pharmaceutical executive. Pfizer’s Albert Bourla was reportedly 2:1 as popular as Moderna’s Stéphane Bancel. But Johnson & Johnson will give out cards signed by Ye, since they have no one famous on their team.

But here’s the kicker – if you can cough up a cool $1 million, you can get your favourite Hollywood celebrity to either receive or consume an ENTIRE COVID-19 vaccine vial of your choice!

Deadpool actor Ryan Reynolds and beloved country songstress Dolly Parton were amongst the first celebrities to get a full vial “the traditional way” this morning, and say that they have never felt better in their lives!

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow declined to get the shot in her Pure Blood body, but will prepare and drink a delicious Moderna sorbet (recipe to be shared on Goop) on YouTube Live next week.

Jim Carrey reportedly wanted to reprise his 1997 “man kiss” of Alicia Silverstone with Paltrow on her YouTube Live stream, and slurp the Moderna sorbet from her mouth.

That Paltrow-Carrey livestream will certainly be interesting… if it happens! Brad Falchuk allegedly told Carrey to keep his super-big mouth out of his wife’s mouth.

Nicki Minaj, unfortunately, is not in the list of participating celebrities. Her spokesperson, however, issued a statement saying that she would be open to getting the full vial if Pfizer comes out with a version that gives her nails like Wolverine.

Oddball celebrity Steven Seagal asked to participate, but wished to gift the vial to his good friend, Vladimir Putin, who is forced to sit at really long tables because he was only vaccinated with Sputnik V. No word yet on whether his request was taken seriously, or laughed out of Tinseltown…

But if you are a Putin fan and want to keep him alive for another invasion of Georgia or the Baltic states, make sure you have $1 million handy!

 

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Fact Check : Parishioners Go Down On Pastor For Holy Milk?

Did female parishioners go down on an evangelical pastor in Brazil, for his holy milk?

Find out what’s this holy milk business all about, and what the FACTS really are!

 

Parishioners Go Down On Pastor For Holy Milk?

This viral news has been circulating in several forms over the years. And it keeps getting shared as something new.

Many people just share the pictures, with some comments about the pastor offering his female parishioners his holy milk.

This is the “full version” that some are sharing, and is being posted on various “viral websites”.

Pastor Makes Females Give Oral In Church, Says To Get Holy Milk

Sao Paulo: An evangelical pastor has been arrested for raping his faithful, after convincing them that his reproductive organs contained “holy milk” which they need for holy healing.

Sobrino Valdeci Picanto, an evangelical pastor from Brazil, persuaded his followers that he practiced his strange beliefs because it was the way he preached the word, saying that his ‘milk’ was sacred.

And this pastor said his reproductives was blessed and that “the Lord had consecrated with divine milk of the Holy Spirit” and of course, had to go around evangelizing.

 

Pastor Valdeci’s Holy Milk : The Truth

The truth is this is just a fake story, created by a “satire” website, and reposted by many viral websites for the purpose of getting page views.

Here are the reasons why this is just another fake story…

Fact #1 : Sobrino Valdeci Picanto Does Not Exist

There is no Brazilian named Sobrino Valdeci Picanto as far as we can tell, much less an evangelical pastor called Sobrino Valdeci Picanto. For an evangelical priest, he seems to have an extremely focused and limited digital footprint.

There are over 4,300 references to “Sobrino Valdeci Picanto” in Google and every single one of them referred to the same fake story.

More importantly, none of them were from a credible source like O Globo, The Rio Times, or even tabloids like Super Notícia.

Fact #2 : That Lady Ate Grass, Not Holy Milk

The picture showing a lady about to puke her guts out, is actually a picture of a South African lady who just ate grass on the orders of her pastor.

In January 2014, Pastor Lesego Daniel ordered his congregation to get on their knees and eat grass to “be closer to God”.

God is at work and His people are testifying right now at the farm. TO GOD BE THE GLORY.”

After they ate the grass outside Rabboni Centre Ministries in Garankuwa (just north of Pretoria), he stomped on them until they vomited.

Fact #3 : The Lady In Screenshot Is A Porn Star

The “leaked video” does not exist, and the lady in the “screenshot” is actually a porn star called Tiffany Six.

The picture was a crop from a screenshot from one of her porn movies.

Fact #4 : It Was Created By Jesus Manero

This fake story was created by Victor Berriel, who posted it on the Brazilian satire blog, Jesus Manero on 11 January 2012.

The pastor in the original version was actually called “Valdecir Picanto Sobrinho“, not “Sobrino Valdeci Picanto”.

Here is a screenshot of the original Jesus Manero article, in Portuguese.

Please help us fight fake news, by sharing this fact check with your family and friends!

 

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Dr. Adrian Wong has been writing about tech and science since 1997, even publishing a book with Prentice Hall called Breaking Through The BIOS Barrier (ISBN 978-0131455368) while in medical school.

He continues to devote countless hours every day writing about tech, medicine and science, in his pursuit of facts in a post-truth world.

 

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Did Leo Varadkar Call Rent Freeze A “Nightmare Scenario”?

Did Leo Varadkar – the Irish Tánaiste – warn against introducing a rent freeze, because that would be a nightmare scenario for landlords?

Find out why it has gone viral on social media, and what the facts really are!

 

Claim : Leo Varadkar Called Rent Freeze A Nightmare Scenario!

A post by Dr Harold News has gone viral, claiming that the Irish Tánaiste, Leo Varadka warned against any rent freeze, calling it a nightmare scenario for landlords.

Leo Varadkar warns introducing a rent freeze could create a ‘nightmare scenario’, where landlords would be forced to sell their extra houses, which would then drive house prices down, allowing low-income people to get on the property ladder.

It went viral on social media, with people sharing it as an example of a politician who is out of touch with the common people, with comments like :

  • Can’t have those low-income folks have access to housing, won’t somebody please think of those poor landlords. . . .
  • You can just say “We don’t like the poors” and call it a day.
  • But what about rich people’s yacht money?
  • Y’all simp so hard for the rich and landlords. You love to be oppressed.
  • He misspelled “perfect scenario”
  • Ooooh how teeeerrible. Are you telling me I might be able to… buy a house?  This sucks!
  • Is this guy human? I really cant tell…

 

Truth : Viral Leo Varadkar Claim Is Just Political Satire

The truth is the viral Leo Varadkar claim about a rent freeze being a nightmare scenario for landlords is fake, and is just political satire.

Here are the facts…

Fact #1 : Dr Harold News Creates Political Satire

Dr Harold News is a primarily a Twitter account, with a Facebook page, that creates Irish political satire.

It’s clearly stated in the description of the Twitter account :

FAKE news, MADE-UP quotes, and topical SATIRE from Dr Harold.

And the description of the Facebook page, which is also labelled as a Satire Page :

FAKE news, photos, memes, and comment from Dr Harold, the man who once featured on the cover of Douglas Weekly

Fact #2 : Leo Varadkar Did Not Call Rent Freeze A Nightmare Scenario

In September 2021, Irish opposition parties called for a three-year rent freeze, claiming that the average tenant was paying €4,000 a year more in rent due to excess inflation.

It is true that Leo Varadkar was against that rent freeze, but he did not call the rent freeze proposal a “nightmare scenario” that would force landlords to sell their extra houses.

Fact #3 : Leo Varadkar Backed Rent Control

Instead of a rent freeze, Leo Varadkar backed rent control, which linked rents to inflation, instead of freezing it outright.

As per the Irish Times, he stated several reasons for backing rent control, instead of a rent freeze :

  • “One person’s rent is another person’s income – it might be their pension, it might be how they pay their mortgage”
  • The vast majority – 86% of landlords – have either one or two properties.
  • The number of available rental properties was falling.
  • Linking rents to inflation was a rent freeze in real terms.
  • A rent freeze could mean that some people may not be able to pay their mortgage when interest rates rise.

Before rent control was instituted, landlords could only increase rental by up to 4% per year in rent pressure zones.

Fact #4 : Property Value + Rental Tied To Demand + Supply

It is understandable why the satirical post went viral. Anger at rental increases is a tale as old as time.

But the truth is – property value and rental rates have always been tied to demand and supply.

If there is no demand or there is excess supply, property values and rental rates will decline no matter what the landlords may desire.

Similarly, if there is high demand and/or limited supply, competition drives up property value and rental rate.

Fact #5 : Tenants Have Flexibility

It is easy to blame landlords, but tenants have one big advantage – they can always shift to more affordable locations, while landlords are literally stuck with their investments.

Tenants should take advantage of that flexibility, and move to where makes most financial sense. It is, in effect, a form of rent control.

 

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Support my work through a bank transfer /  PayPal / credit card!

Name : Adrian Wong
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Dr. Adrian Wong has been writing about tech and science since 1997, even publishing a book with Prentice Hall called Breaking Through The BIOS Barrier (ISBN 978-0131455368) while in medical school.

He continues to devote countless hours every day writing about tech, medicine and science, in his pursuit of facts in a post-truth world.

 

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Karen Sues Air & Space Museum For False Advertising!

A Karen just filed a lawsuit against the Washington Air & Space Museum for false advertising! What the heck’s going on???

 

Karen Sues Air & Space Museum For False Advertising!

A woman from Fresno had planned to take her kids to the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum in Washington D.C., notable for its many aircraft and spacecraft displays.

But she made a terrible mistake when she keyed “Air and Space Museum Washington” into Apple Maps, which directed her to the Washington Air & Space Museum in Seattle, Washington.

That was just a 2-day road trip from Fresno, California, but on arrival, she discovered that the Washington Air & Space Museum was a pop-up art exhibition.

It was literally an empty warehouse exhibiting Air and Space.

The woman, who insists on remaining unnamed, has now sued the Washington Air & Space Museum for “false advertising”.

She insists that the Washington Air & Space Museums is wrong to display only air and space because it’s a museum, and by definition, must display “old things”.

Since air and space are never old, therefore, the Washington Air & Space Museum lied about being a museum.

She is asking for a public apology and $1 million dollars for the insult to her intelligence. What a Karen!

 

Karen vs Air & Space Museum : Social Media War!

The art collective behind the Washington Air & Space Museum is striking back, calling for the public to post their support using the hashtags #NoKaren #KarenFreeSpace

The Karen and her friends have started posting using the hashtag #MuseumNotArt.

You can have your fun as an online judge, and vote for whichever side you agree with! 😀

 

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Plandemic 3 To Prove Satan’s Hand In COVID-19 Vaccines!

Plandemic 3 is here, and its producers promise that it will finally prove Satan’s hand in the nefarious COVID-19 vaccines!

Get a taste of what Plandemic 3 will reveal in our exclusive sneak preview!

 

Plandemic 3 To Prove Satan’s Hand In COVID-19 Vaccines!

Thanks to the hard work of renown coronavirus expert, Dr. Judy Mikovits and famous autism expert Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the new film will definitively reveal the nefarious Satanic plans behind the COVID-19 vaccines!

The Plandemic 3 team has kindly given us some tidbits to share with all of you. All they ask is that you SHARE and PRAY for Plandemic 3 to reach more people with the hashtag #Plandemic3!

Why Plandemic 3?

Plandemic was a hit, but the second movie – Plandemic: Indoctornation was a failure.

Many people didn’t even realise it was a new movie. President Donald Trump notably thought it was part of the original Plandemic movie.

Based on his feedback, the producers decided to go with Plandemic 3, so people like him understand that it’s a new movie.

5G Tracker In COVID-19 Vaccines

Renown coronavirus expert, Dr. Judy Mikovits, had been looking into how Big Pharma could possibly inject a 5G tracker through COVID-19 vaccines, and had her breakthrough when public vaccinations started.

Many people started reporting that they found 5G trackers implanted in their arms after they were vaccinated.

Some of these concerned citizens sent her their trackers, and after obtaining a vial of the Pfizer mRNA vaccine and the syringes they use, the intrepid Dr. Mikovits finally figured out how they did it!

Why other less eminent researchers failed to find the 5G trackers is because they looked at the vaccine. There’s no 5G tracker inside, just a special activation fluid.

The secret is inside the syringe needle, she explained. That’s why they switch the needles before injecting people!

Dr. Judy Mikovits hard at work with her microscope!

Hidden inside the needle is a super-compressed 5G tracker – deactivated so RF scanners cannot detect it.

Once injected into your arm, the activation fluid expands the tracker so it locks into your arm muscle, and activates its 5G signal.

Dr. Mikovits shared this picture of the 3 variants she found, held in length- and colour-coded microscope attachment screws to differentiate them.

They are apparently made by the Presta Corporation, based in Baltimore, but funded with research funding from Bill Gates and the Wuhan Institute of Virology.

In Plandemic 3, she will show you how the 5G tracker is cleverly hidden inside the needle, and how it gradually expands on contact with the activation fluid.

She will also show you have to cut it out of your arm, or block its signal with a copper-lined skin patch that her company will be releasing shortly.

And yes, Plandemic 3 will flash a special 50% discount code, so be sure to look out for it!

COVID-19 Is Satan’s Work

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has helped prevent autism for millions of innocent children by praying the vaccines out of them.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic started, he focused his considerable intellect into WHY it happened, and WHAT it really means.

In Plandemic 3, he will show you how he discovered that the coronavirus is Satan’s handiwork. Here is one example he shared with us.

After many sleepless nights calculating the different possibilities, he discovered that CORONA = 666. If this is not proof, he says, then you are blind!

Kennedy also shared how Social Distancing was Satan’s idea. He believes health authorities use this term, as a form of satanic worship.

Every time they say Social Distancing, they are praising Satan. That is also why they refuse to say Physical Distancing.

To check if your friend is a secret follower of Satan, he suggests you say physical distancing. If your friend insists on saying social distancing, he’s a Satanist!

 

Plandemic 3 : Where To Watch It?

Major corporations (Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, Twitter) have been paid off by Big Pharma and the New World Order to block Plandemic 3 by deleting the video.

To avoid this, the producers are planning to DIRECTLY PM / DM you a link to the video.

To obtain the secret link to the Plandemic 3 video, simply post on social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp groups, Telegram groups) with the hashtag #Plandemic3.

For every share of this article, with the hashtag #Plandemic3 and #CLeeYu, the Plandemic 3 team promises to sponsor the removal of a 5G tracker!

 

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Fact Check : Morgue Employee Cremated By Mistake?

Did a morgue in Michigan accidentally cremate their worker who feel asleep?

Find out what has just gone viral, and what the FACTS really are!

 

Claim : Napping Morgue Employee Cremated By Mistake!

People are sharing this shocking bit of news about an unfortunate morgue employee who got accidentally cremated after falling asleep on the job!

An employee of a Roseville, Michigan Funeral Home & Cremation Service died this morning, after being accidentally cremated by one of his coworkers.

According to the Police, 48-year old Paul Houston decided to take a nap one a stretcher after working for sixteen hours straight.

While he was sleeping, another employee mistook him for the corpse of a 52-year old car accident victim and carried him to the crematory.

Before anyone could notice the mistake, he had already been exposed to temperatures ranging between 1400 to 1800 degrees Fahrenheit and reduced to ashes.

Jenna Anderson, one of Mr Houston’s coworkers, says she heard him scream for about 15 seconds after the crematory was activated.

“At first, we didn’t understand where the sound was coming from. When we realized what was happening, it was too late. We shut down the heating system, but he was already dead.”

Ms. Anderson claims that the young coworker who caused the accident was a new employee, and had forgotten to check for the toe tag to make sure he had the right body.

Jenna Anderson says she heard the victim scream in agony as the crematory was reducing him to ashes.
The police has opened an investigation to determine the exact circumstances surrounding Mr Houston’s death.

Investigators have not ruled out the possibility of filing criminal charges against the employee who caused his death.

The young man could possibly be accused of criminal negligence causing death.

This one, which was apparently posted by ABC News, seems to validate the other stories about the unfortunate morgue employee…

 

Our Verdict : Fake Story By Satire Websites

For those who just want a simple Yes or No answer, this is yet another FAKE STORY by satire (fake story) websites.

Help stop the creation of such fake stories by BOYCOTTING fake story websites like Weekly Inquirer, news24, The Daily Star, Trendolizer, etc. DO NOT SHARE THEIR STORIES!

For the details why this is fake, please continue below….

 

Morgue Employee Cremated By Mistake : Hoax Debunked!

Okay, let’s start with why this is fake news, and move on to what the facts are…

Fact #1 : They Are Posted By Satire Websites

Websites like Weekly Inquirer, Trendolizer and news24 (The Daily Star) call themselves satire websites, but they are really nothing more than websites that copy and paste FAKE STORIES for the clicks.

They try their best to post shocking stories as if they are true, and doing their very best to conceal that the stories are not true. Most of them have only a tiny disclaimer at the bottom of every page, which we have to blow up to show you :

They also buried the nature of their websites in their privacy policy, hiding in the mess of disclaimers that :

Information contained in this website is for information and entertainment purposes only.

Fact #2 : That’s Not The Real ABC Website

What’s truly egregious is ABCNews-US.com, which is nothing more than a fake news website that tries to pass itself off as the real ABC News website – ABC.com.

The only reason they do this? To trick you into sharing their fake news, so that they get more page views.

Fact #3 : That’s The Hickory Hill Funeral Home

The picture they used is of the Hickory Hill Funeral Home in Fox Meadows, Tennessee.

That morgue gained notoriety in May 2016 after WREG exposed how the owner did not have an embalmer’s licence and abandoned two bodies inside after he closed down the business.

Fact #4 : The Story Isn’t Even Logical

Never mind the bad grammar and bad spelling peppering the story, the story has more holes than Swiss cheese.

  1. Even the most tired person would wake up if someone wheels the stretcher, and definitely when he’s being lifted and placed into a casket.
  2. Even the stupidest of morgue employees can see that their sleeping coworker is dressed differently, possibly even in a uniform?
  3. No one gets cremated on a stretcher. The dead body is first placed in a casket before being cremated.
  4. The cremation process takes a long time – about 1-2 hours – to reduce a body into ashes. Yet the story claimed that he was reduced to ashes even though they turned it off, after they heard him scream?

Fact #5 : It’s The Michigan Version Of The New York Cremation Hoax!

This story is nothing more than the Michigan version of the New York cremation hoax, which was posted to coincide with the height of the COVID-19 pandemic in New York City.

That fake story naturally went viral, and probably made satire websites a lot of money…

 

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Fact Check : Funeral Home Accidentally Cremated Employee!

According to the Weekly Inquirer, a New York funeral company accidentally cremated one of their employees who fell asleep after working for 16 hours straight.

Find out whether this poor, overworked bloke really got cremated, and what the facts really are!

 

Claim : Funeral Home Accidentally Cremated Employee!

The Weekly Inquirer posted this article on 11 April 2020 :

NEW YORK, NY: EXHAUSTED FUNERAL HOME EMPLOYEE CREMATED BY MISTAKE WHILE TAKING A NAP

An employee of a New York, Funeral & Cremation Service died yesterday, after being accidentally cremated by one of his coworkers.

According to the Police, 48-year old Michael Jones decided to take a nap one a stretcher after working for sixteen hours straight to the recent influx of dead bodies.

While he was sleeping, another employee mistook him for the corpse of a 52-year old person who died from respiratory issues and moved him to the crematory.

Before anyone could notice the mistake, he had already been exposed to temperatures ranging between 1400 to 1800 degrees Fahrenheit and reduced to ashes.

Jenna Anderson, one of Mr Jones’s coworkers, says she heard him scream for about 15 seconds after the crematory was activated.

“At first, we didn’t understand where the sound was coming from. When we realized what was happening, it was too late. We shut down the heating system, but he was already dead.”

Ms. Anderson claims that the young coworker who caused the accident was a new employee, and had forgotten to check for the toe tag to make sure he had the right body.

Jenna Anderson says she heard the victim scream in agony as the crematory was reducing him to ashes.

The police has opened an investigation to determine the exact circumstances surrounding Mr Jone’s death.

Investigators have not ruled out the possibility of filing criminal charges against the employee who caused his death.

The young man could possibly be accused of criminal negligence causing death.

 

Our Verdict : Fake Story By Satire Website

For those who just want a simple Yes or No answer, this is yet another FAKE STORY by another satire (fake story) website.

Help stop the creation of such fake stories by BOYCOTTING the Weekly Inquirer. DO NOT SHARE THEIR STORIES!

For the details why this is fake, please continue below….

 

Funeral Home Accidentally Cremated Employee : Hoax Debunked!

Okay, let’s start with why this is fake news, and move on to what the facts are…

Weekly Inquirer Is A Satire Website

Weekly Inquirer calls itself a satire website, but it is really a FAKE STORY website, because it does its very best to conceal that it is a satire website.

It only has this tiny disclaimer at the bottom of every page, which we have to blow up to show you :

They also buried the nature of their website in their privacy policy, hiding in the second paragraph that :

Information contained in this website is for information and entertainment purposes only.

New York is Burying The Dead On Hart Island

Due to the COVID-19 crisis, New York is burying any dead not claimed within two weeks on Hart Island, at least temporarily.

The Story Isn’t Even Logical

Never mind the bad grammar and bad spelling peppering the story, the story isn’t even logical.

  1. Even the most tired person would wake up if someone wheels the stretcher, and definitely when he’s being lifted and placed into the combustion chamber.
  2. Even the stupidest of employees can see that the sleeping employee is dressed differently, even in a uniform?
  3. No one gets cremated on a slab. The dead body is first placed in a casket before being cremated.
  4. The cremation process takes a long time – about 1-2 hours – to reduce a body into ashes. Yet the story claimed that he was reduced to ashes even though they turned it off, after hearing him scream?

The story is so full of holes, you can use it to strain your pasta…

 

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Rising Camera PSA – Don’t Be A Dick And Take Dick Pics!

A Scottish bloke just found out the hard way why it’s a bad… VERY BAD IDEA to take dick pics using the newfangled rising camera that goes up and down like… his own dick.

WORST. IDEA. EVER.

 

A Bloody Emergency!

A horny Scottish gentleman was recently admitted to the Raigmore Hospital in Inverness, complaining that his “Johnny’s got cut!“, and spewing blood out the front of his pants.

Doctors quickly determined that a rectangular piece of his male pride was neatly cut out. They successfully sewed up the wound, but the poor bloke now has to live with a permanent downward bent in his junk!

C’est la vie! Or as they say in Scotland – Is e a bheatha!

The doctors were perplexed and greatly intrigued by the wound. It was a small but perfectly rectangular. What on Earth (or in the Milky Way) could cause such a wound?

Was it the results of some misadventure in self-gratification? Or a misunderstanding with a lass?

 

A Rising Camera Clipped His Junk!

With the help of a healthy dose of scopolamine and half a bottle of Macallan, they got to the bottom of it.

The poor bloke had just purchased one of those newfangled smartphones with a rising camera. He loved how the rising camera would go up and down on command, “like his own Johnny”.

After a hot and heavy evening of chatting with a lady he fancied, interspersed with Scotch shots, he decided to prove his virility by taking and sending her a few dick pics.

He could not remember what happened, but the next thing he knew, he was screaming in great pain with blood spurting everywhere!

One of the doctors passed him his phone and asked him to show them how the rising camera worked (seriously???).. and lo behold, when the rising camera slid up, out popped a piece of the Scottish lad…

 

The Rising Camera Is NOT For Dick Pics

Me dear laddies, it be true that the Scottish Highlands are cold and lonely, without a lass in sight and only sheep to keep the nights warm.

So we geddit when you have the urge to connect with a lass of the humanoid persuasion, But don’t be a dick and take those dick pics with a rising camera!

LOOK at how much painkillers they have to give him!!!

Yes, it may go up and down like your dick, but SERIOUSLY, it is still a self-respecting selfie camera and deserves to be treated with the appropriate respect.

So… DON’T BE A DICK and TAKE DICK PICS with your smartphone… especially if it has a rising camera!

 

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Did Exploding Samsung Smartphones Kill 3 In Florida?

News of Samsung Galaxy Note7 phablets catching fire, or getting banned from flights, have permeated the Internet almost on a daily basis. Today even saw a report of a truck filled with exploding Samsung smartphones killed 3 people in Florida. Check out the report for yourself :

A semi-trailer truck exploded this morning in Florida, after the Samsung phones it was carrying began exploding, killing 3 people and injuring 11 others.

According to witnesses, a series of explosion took place in the truck’s cargo trailer, setting it ablaze.

Within a few seconds, blazing smartphones were flying in the air in all directions, hitting nearby vehicles at extremely high speeds.

“It was totally crazy! There were hundreds of flaming phones coming out of the trailer at bullet speed,” says Jamal Anderson, whose car was hit by three phones. “It looked like a huge firework with flames and explosions everywhere.” 

Seven nearby vehicles were hit by the flaming projectiles, leading to a dramatic car crash involving 17 vehicles.

Samsung Electronics has already recognized many security issues with it’s new smartphone model.

Several people posted images and videos of charred Galaxy Note7s online and said their phones had caught on fire or that their phone battery had exploded.

Samsung Electronics finally delayed shipments of its premium Note7 smartphone, wiping almost $7 billion off its market value.

The phones that exploded were models that had been recalled until further tests have been completed.

 

The Truck With Exploding Samsung Smartphones Does Not Exist

If you haven’t figured it out yet, the news report is NOT true. There was no truck filled with Samsung smartphones that exploded anywhere in Florida, or in the world for the matter. But why should you believe us? Let us show you the evidence…

 

1. The pictures were misappropriated

The first picture was of a trailer that exploded after it collided with another trailer on Interstate 10 highway near a south Phoenix suburb on November 9, 2011. The accident killed one of the drivers. The picture was taken by Mark Henle of the Arizona Republic.

The second picture was of a 46-car pileup on the southbound Interstate 75 highway on the Manatee / Sarasota county line. This accident happened on October 5, 2012.

 

2. Exploding batteries will not turn smartphones into bullets

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The Samsung Galaxy Note7 devices that were reported to have “exploded” did not actually explode like a bomb. Rather, they caught on fire.

Of course, lithium ion batteries can and do actually explode, but guess what? The Samsung Galaxy Note7 has a metal chassis and is protected on both front and back by Gorilla Glass 5. An exploding battery may split the device along the seams, but it won’t turn the Galaxy Note7 into a flying projectile.

Even if, hypothetically, an exploding Samsung Galaxy Note7 is sent flying at high speed like a bullet, it would still be stopped by the steel wall of the shipping container. Yes, shipping containers have steel walls…

 

3. World News Daily Report Is A Hoax / Satire Website

While many clickbait websites have started to post the same article, the original website was identified as World News Daily Report. It is not a genuine news website, but one that is satirical in nature. None of the articles posted on that website is true, as far as we can tell.

 

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Samsung Internet Of Trousers Fashion Range Unveiled

Samsung Electronics, a world leader in Internet of Things and advanced components, announced the Internet of Trousers, a new lineup of IoT-enabled smarter fashion products.

The new fashion range includes an exciting collection of pants abounding with innovative functions. And, boasting an array of unique, contemporary styles that fit just about any lifestyle, these smart wearables are just that… wearable.

The intelligent trousers, which combine the latest in high-tech with high fashion, were designed to address the pain points of everyday apparel. Samsung has made smarter fashion a reality by embedding the new garments with ARTIK Smarter Fashion chip modules, which communicate with the Smarter Fabric Care app.

 

Key Internet of Trousers functions include:

Wi-Fly: Gone are the days of unnoticed, unzipped trouser zippers upon exiting the restroom. Should your fly remain open for more than three minutes, the ZipARTIK module will send a series of notifications to your smartphone to save you from further embarrassment.

Get Up! Alert: Using pressure sensors, Samsung’s intelligent trousers detect prolonged periods of inactivity and send notifications to ‘get up off of that thing’ at least once an hour. Should you remain seated for more than three hours, devices embedded in each of the rear pockets send mild electrical shocks to provide extra motivation.

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Keep-Your-Pants-On Mode: Sometimes it’s easy to get carried away with the moment. The Samsung Bio-Processor in your pants checks your bio-data including your heart rate and perspiration level. If these indicators get too high, Samsung’s trousers will send you subtle notifications as a reminder of the importance of keeping your cool.

Fridge Lock: If the tension around your waist gets too high, the embedded ARTIK chip module will send signals to your refrigerator to prevent you from overeating. The fridge door lock can then only be deactivated with consent from a designated person such as your mother or significant other.

Q.U.I.L.T. (Qommon User Inclusion: League of Threads)
As with many other initiatives, Samsung will open up its Smarter Fashion ecosystem to other players as an open platform. Whether it be traditional apparel companies, top-notch designers or your grandmother knitting your next Christmas sweater, ARTIK fashion chip modules will be available for anyone and everyone.

Starting with ZipARTIK for pants, the ARTIK Smarter Fashion portfolio will expand to ARTIK S (for shirts) and ARTIK Sx (for socks, to help solve the problem of lost and/or divorced socks). These modules can run on low power while ensuring security and privacy. (Much like ARTIK 1, 5 and 10.)

 

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