Tag Archives: Satire

Alex Jones Agrees To Shut Down Infowars?!

Did Alex Jones just agree to shut down Infowars, and pay Sandy Hook families $1.5 billion in damages?!

 

How Alex Jones Came To Shut Down Infowars!

Alex Jones has finally seen the light! After praying at a church for the first time in his life on Easter Sunday,  the notorious far-right and alt-right conspiracy theorist decided to shut down Infowars for good! He also promised to pay the Sandy Hook families the $1.5 billion in damages he tried to avoid earlier.

Amazingly, his path to redemption started with his deep distrust of his wife, Erika Wulff. When she took their daughter to an Easter Sunday celebration, he suspected that she was really there to get a little sugar from the new pastor, who was quite the hunk!

So he sent one of his trusted Infowars employees to follow her car from a distance, and another to join the Easter Sunday celebration with his family. The two-pronged strategy appeared to hit pay dirt, when one of them spotted Erika and her daughter disappear into the sacristy while looking for Easter eggs.

On receiving the message, Alex Jones rushed over to the church with his Bushmaster XM15-E2S and Glock 20SF, and a trench coat to hide them in. But Easter Sunday traffic slowed him down, and by the time he arrived, the Easter egg hunt was over, and people were filing in for the second service.

He spotted his wife and daughter in the front, but kept his peace – he didn’t want to start his own Sandy Hook “action”, without first catching his wife “in flagrante delicto”. So he sat quietly at the back, and waited for the opportune moment.

The pastor came forth to start the service, and Alex Jones could not help admiring how he was incredibly attractive. So young and fit. He looks like he has a six pack, and quite a dong, Jones thought to himself, before realising awkwardly that he started to get an erection.

Pressing his legs together to stifle his growing tumescence, Jones could not help listening to the hot young pastor speak about the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and what it meant. It was the first time he had ever heard the whole story and its significance. He always thought Jesus was crucified because he was a Casanova who got caught with a Roman noble lady!

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At the end of the sermon, Alex Jones was hit by three epiphanies. First, he realised he could not stop thinking about the hot pastor and that he might actually be gay, or at least bisexual. Secondly, he realised it is possible for his own moral “rebirth” if he just confess to his sins and repent. Finally, he realised how close he came to easily killing strangers out of (misplaced?) jealousy using legally-purchased firearms.

He sat stunned and speechless for the first time in his life, as people filed out of church. That’s when his wife and daughter spotted him looking catatonic, but with tears streaming down his fat cheeks, and wearing a black trench coat. His two Infowars employees also noticed that he wasn’t quite himself, and came over.

When they realised he was “packing heat”, Erika ordered them to quickly carry him to his car before people were aware that he almost wanted to commit mass murder. Heck, he could still do it, if they didn’t hurry!

They didn’t have to worry, because Alex Jones was not able to do anything but sob like the insecure little boy he always was, but with his eyes finally opened by his three epiphanies. What an awkward scene it was as they struggled to help him to his car, with people staring and wondering why he was bawling like a baby.

 

Alex Jones Decides To Shut Down Infowars!

When he got home, he ran to his computer on which he wrote so many fake stories. He wrote confession after confession – to his readers, to his family, and to the many people he falsely wrote about, and asked for their forgiveness.

He also asked his estranged family for forgiveness, and admitted that he was lying when he said he forgot details about his children because he ate too much chili. He sure loves chili, but it never made him forget anything.

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Then he told his employees that he would be shutting down Infowars for good, and offered them all six-months severance if they agreed to never write or post fake news again.

Alex Jones also wrote to the families of mass murders that he accused of faking their deaths, and said that he would no longer stonewall their lawsuits, and will gladly pay them what they were asking for. He was a billionaire, and even after paying everyone, he would have plenty of money left.

He then pledged to donate the rest of his money to charities, and will dedicate the rest of his life to stop the proliferation of fake news and guns in the United States.

That was when Alex Jones woke up in cold sweat, with a sense of impending doom. He tried to reach out to his laptop, as he felt the ache in his chest grow and spread down his left arm. If he could just reach it…

 

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Is Google Shutting Down Gmail For Good?!

Is Google shutting down Gmail for good by August 2024?! Take a look at the viral claim, and find out what the facts really are!

 

Claim : Google Is Shutting Down Gmail For Good!

A post has gone viral on X (formerly Twitter), allegedly posted by the SVP of Product at Google, who claimed that he accidentally fired the entire Gmail team, and ordered it shut down after misreading a message from CEO Sundar Pichai!

Chris Bakke : I’m the SVP of Product at Google ($28.8M TC).

Last night, Sundar asked me to “fire the entire Gemini team.”

I misread his message (insanely bad service at my 7br 11bath cabin in Park City) and I accidentally fired the entire Gmail team.

Gmail…Gemini.

Look at that quickly without your glasses when you’re 7 margaritas deep at the fire pit on a Wednesday and you’d make the same error.

I mean you get how that’s confusing right?

Anyway, I’m rolling with the decision.

Gmail’s gone.

A screenshot of a Google notice about sunsetting Gmail was attached to the post, and it suggested that Gmail accounts would become inaccessible after 1 August 2024.

Google is sunsetting Gmail

Dear Gmail User,

We are reaching out to share an important update about Gmail. After years of connecting millions worldwide, enabling seamless communication, and fostering countless connections, the journey of Gmail is coming to a close. As of August 1, 2024, Gmail will officially be sunsetted, marking the end of its service. This means that as of this date, Gmail will no longer support sending, receiving, or storing emails.

Why Gmail is Sunsetting

The decision to sunset Gmail has been made with careful consideration of the evolving digital landscape and our commitment to providing high-quality, innovative solutions that meet the needs of our users. In the spirit of progress and adaptation, we are focusing our resources on developing new technologies and platforms that will continue to revolutionize the way we communicate and interact online.

What This Means for You

Email Access: Up until August 1, 2024, you will be able to access and download all your emails. After this date, Gmail accounts will become inaccessible.

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Claim : Google Is Not Shutting Down Gmail At All!

This is yet another example of fake news circulating on X (formerly Twitter), and here are the reasons why…

Fact #1 : Google Is Not Shutting Down Gmail

Let me start by pointing out that Google is not shutting down Gmail. For one thing – no one received the “Google is sunsetting Gmail” email. There is also no announcement on the Google blog.

There is also an absence of legitimate news and tech media reporting on such a shocking announcement. In fact, all you will find are fact check articles like this, telling you that this is just another example of fake news on X.

There is also the fact that the official Gmail account on X (formerly Twitter) posted a terse response:

Gmail is here to stay

To be clear – Google is not shutting down Gmail. This is just satire / shitposting on X.

Google is itself highly-reliant on Gmail services, and would be in deep shit if Gmail goes down for even an hour, never mind shut down forever.

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Fact #2 : Chris Bakke Isn’t Google Product SVP

I should also point out that Chris Bakke is not the Senior Vice President of Product at Google in charge of Gmail. In fact, he’s currently working at X, not Google!

Chris Bakke was the founder and CEO of Laskie, a tech recruitment company that X (formerly Twitter) purchased in May 2023. He is currently the Product Lead for X, and is known to be a notorious “shitposter” or “trash poster” on the social media platform.

When Austen Allred, another tech founder, tweeted about the acquisition when it was revealed, Elon Musk said he thought it was a good sign:

Austen Allred : Only fitting that Twitter’s first acquisition in the Elon era is a company run by a notorious shitposter.

Elon Musk : I regard that as a good sign 🙂

Elon is probably going to give Chris a bonus for the millions of views and engagement his new “shitpost” has generated on X. Throw some our way, Chris, will ya!

Please help us FIGHT FAKE NEWS by sharing this fact check article out, and please SUPPORT our work!

 

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Dr. Adrian Wong has been writing about tech and science since 1997, even publishing a book with Prentice Hall called Breaking Through The BIOS Barrier (ISBN 978-0131455368) while in medical school.

He continues to devote countless hours every day writing about tech, medicine and science, in his pursuit of facts in a post-truth world.

 

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Did Al Franken Get Jew Call Warning Of 9/11 Attacks?!

Did US Senator Al Franken get a Jew call, warning of the 9/11 attacks before they happened?!

Take a look at the viral claim, and find out what the facts really are!

 

Claim : A Jew Call Warned Al Franken About 9/11 Attacks!

Conspiracy theorists keep claiming that former US Senator Al Franken received advance warning of the 9/11 attacks through “Jew call”.

Apparently, Al Franken himself claimed that a “Jew call” helped him escape getting killed when the Twin Towers collapsed, or was “demolished” by the Zionists.

The evidence, they claimed, was clearly stated in his 2003 book, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them:

One of the widely disseminated stories was that no Jews died in the collapse of the Trade Towers because they had received calls telling them not to go to work that day.

To tell you the truth, I got the Jew call. I had an office in the Trade Center where I used to do most of my writing. The call came from former New York mayor Ed Koch.

“Al,” he told me, “don’t go to work on the twenty-third day of Elul [September 11, 2001].

Recommended : Did Putin Just Threaten To Release 9/11 Satellite Evidence?!

 

Truth : A Jew Call Did Not Warn Al Franken About 9/11 Attacks!

This is yet another example of FAKE NEWS surrounding the September 11 attacks, and here are the reasons why…

Fact #1 : His Book Was Political Satire

What people may not know is that the book, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, was political satire.

Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them was a satirical piece on American politics, targeting Republicans and conservative personalities and media. Its subtitle “A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right” was actually a parody of the Fox News tagline – “Fair and Balanced“.

Fact #2 : Al Franken Writes A Lot Of Satire

Al Franken was not just a US Senator, he is also an American comedian, actor and writer. In fact, he was a regular writer and performer on Saturday Night Live in the 70s and 80s!

Before Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, he wrote a number of satirical books, like:

After Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, he wrote The Truth (With Jokes) and Al Franken, Giant of the Senate – more political satire books. As you can probably tell by now, Al Franken likes to write political satire…

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Fact #3 : Al Franken Was Satirising Jew Call Claims

Conspiracy theorists keep insisting that it was not clear that what Al Franken wrote was just satire. They keep telling everyone to “read between the lines“.

The truth is – anyone who even reads the book can clearly see that Al Franken never actually said he got a Jew call that gave him advance warning of the 9/11 attacks.

The conspiracy theorists merely cherry picked the part they wanted, and “conveniently” removed the rest. Take a look:

One of the widely disseminated stories was that no Jews died in the collapse of the Trade Towers because they had received calls telling them not to go to work that day.

To tell you the truth, I got the Jew call. I had an office in the Trade Center where I used to do most of my writing. The call came from former New York mayor Ed Koch.

“Al,” he told me, “don’t go to work on the twenty-third day of Elul [September 11, 2001].

Actually, I watched the events of that awful day from Minneapolis, where I was visiting my mom. Mom’s in a nursing home, so I was staying at a hotel.

That morning, as I grabbed some coffee, I noticed people huddled around the TV. A plane had hit the World Trade Center. Must have been a commuter plane. Maybe the pilot had a heart attack or something.

Then the second plane hit. It was sickening. Then came the Pentagon. We were under attack.

Somehow, I got through to my wife in Manhattan. She was fine at home on the Upper West Side about 5 miles north of the (World) Trade Center. My son was at school on the Upper East Side, my daughter away at college.

As I watched the first Tower collapse, I was stunned. But I still couldn’t register the magnitude of what was happening, even as the second one went down.

I spent the rest of the day at the nursing home watching TV with my mom.

As you can see, Al Franken was not even in New York at that time. He certainly did not receive any “Jew call”.

In fact, he was satirising the conspiracy theory that Jews did not die in the 9/11 attacks because they received a “Jew call” – an alert not to go to the Twin Towers.

Did these conspiracy theorists and bloggers lie about what Al Franken said in his book? Or were they blind to what he wrote?

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Fact #4 : Many Jews Died In 9/11 Attacks

Conspiracy theorists claim that no Jew died in the 9/11 attacks because they received the “Jew call” to avoid the Twin Towers on the 23rd of Elul (September 11, 2001).

However, at least 400 victims of the 9/11 attacks were either “confirmed or strongly believed to be Jewish“, according to The New York Times.

On the other hand, only 28 Muslims died in the Twin Towers, and another 3 Muslims were passengers on the two planes. If there was a conspiracy, you would expect the Zionists to do a much better job of protecting their kind, no?

Fact #5 : Al Franken Did Not Have Any WTC Office

Finally, I should point out that Al Franken did NOT have an office in any of the World Trade Center buildings.

So even if there was a Zionist conspiracy to demolish the Twin Towers and blame it on “the innocent Muslims”, there was no need for anyone to give him a “Jew call”.

He wouldn’t have gone to the World Trade Center on that September 11, 2001, or any other day for the matter, because he never had an office there!

Please help us FIGHT FAKE NEWS by sharing this fact check article out, and please SUPPORT our work!

 

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Support my work through a bank transfer /  PayPal / credit card!

Name : Adrian Wong
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Credit Card / Paypal : https://paypal.me/techarp

Dr. Adrian Wong has been writing about tech and science since 1997, even publishing a book with Prentice Hall called Breaking Through The BIOS Barrier (ISBN 978-0131455368) while in medical school.

He continues to devote countless hours every day writing about tech, medicine and science, in his pursuit of facts in a post-truth world.

 

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China Unveils New Incentives For Wumao + CCP Uncles!

The glorious Middle Kingdom of China has just announced a most magnificent and munificent incentive program for wumao and CCP uncles!

 

Wumao + CCP Uncles : Tips Of Chinese Propaganda Spear!

For many years now, the wumao (五毛) and CCP uncles across the world have worked exceedingly hard to propagate the glorious values of the Chinese Communist Party.

Despite the wumao being paid a pittance (hence their name literally meaning 50 cents), and the CCP uncles paid nothing at all, they achieved incredible feats in recent years.

When China failed to contain COVID-19, it was the wumao and CCP uncles who made sure the world knew that COVID-19 actually started in the United States.

Who else but the wumao and the CCP uncles could have convinced the world that COVID-19 was actually created in the Fort Detrick bio lab, and then leaked in Wuhan by the US army?!

And when the Western countries started criticising China for not donating vaccines, the wumao and CCP uncles came to the rescue, making sure the world knew that China contributed 60% of COVAX vaccine supply!

More recently, it was the wumao and the CCP uncles who showed the world how NATO is getting defeated in Ukraine by Russia, which is shooting down their jets and helicopters like a video game!

All hail the world’s best and CHEAPEST propaganda machine! All hail the wumao! All hail the CCP uncles!

Recommended : Did Xi Jinping Divorce His Wife To Serve China?!

 

China Unveils New Incentives For Wumao + CCP Uncles!

Sadly, there has been little recognition of the great achievements the wumao and CCP uncles have made, and very little reward for these hardworking supporters of the great Chinese Communist Party.

That changed when the glorious and munificent President Xi Jinping won a third term with a unanimous vote!

The Great Rejuvenator of China immediately ordered that the wumao and CCP uncles be recognised as Dragon Warriors, and “united” under a new organisation called 中国影响力和社会主义教义的正义盟友 / Righteous Allies of Chinese Influence and Socialist Teachings (RACIST).

All Dragon Warriors, old and new, will be rewarded for their contributions to the glory of the Chinese Communist Party.

At his behest and with his personal design contribution, Chinese artisans toiled day and night to produce an exclusive wumao service medal for the Dragon Warriors to wear on their lapels with pride!

The Senior Heads of Indoctrination Lessons and Lectures (SHILL) of every region have also been ordered to identify wumao members and CCP uncles who achieved exceptional excellence in propaganda.

These Super Dragon Warriors will receive an additional CCP badge made of solid gold, and automatically inducted into the glorious Chinese Communist Party and given the opportunity to migrate to China after 15 years of loyal support!

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Dragon Warriors will also be rewarded with new smartphones and computers developed by the Great Engineers of the Middle Kingdom, and completely free from dangerous Western software like WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram, etc. that their families can enjoy.

In addition, Dragon Warriors will receive a special signed edition of the Xi Jinping Thought booklet, as well as flags and banners that they can hang inside and outside their homes!

The Great Leader himself helped to create this special banner to inspire the Dragon Warriors, and make them proud of being part of the CCP propaganda machinery.

我是五毛
我骄傲

I’m fifty cents
I am proud

So inspiring! And what an awesome way to decorate the home of a true Dragon Warrior!

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That is just the beginning. By the end of 2023, all Dragon Warriors will be given access to the Legendary Incentives, Awards and Rewards System (LIARS), which is powered by artificial intelligence being developed by Chinese scientists.

The wumao will no longer need to submit monthly reports with screenshots and URLs to their Senior Head of Indoctrination Lessons and Lectures (SHILL) every month. The LIARS artificial intelligence is always watching, and will automatically detect when a registered Dragon Warrior posts on foreign social media or even WhatsApp and Telegram. This will give them more time to create more propaganda or influence posts!

Best of all – CCP uncles, who have been promoting our glorious CCP for free, will also be included in this LIARS incentive and rewards program!

Every propaganda post will be automatically graded by the LIARS AI system, and the scores will be reflected in their Dragon Warrior LIARS account. Accumulate enough points, and you can buy everything from a Bentley to a mail order bride!

If you would like to become a Dragon Warrior, you can submit your application by email, or walk into any Chinese embassy by giving the guard and telling him this secret password – 我是习近平.

Make sure you include examples of your efforts to promote the CCP party in any way. Extra points are given for aggression and name calling, so be sure to impress the wumao recruiter with some choice curse words for the Westerners!

 

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Just in case the wumao and CCP uncles are not aware, this is satire, which is common and legal outside of China.

Here are more satire

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Did Justin Bieber Wear Balenciaga Bottle Slippers?!

Did Justin Bieber just model the new Balenciaga bottle slippers?!

Take a look at the viral photos, and find out what the facts really are!

 

Claim : Justin Bieber Wore These Balenciaga Bottle Slippers!

The Internet has gone crazy over photos of Justin Bieber wearing the viral Balenciaga bottle slippers, with comments like these :

Justin Bieber in his Balenciaga ‘bottle slippers’😳🤣🤣🤣

#JustinBieber in bottle slippers, Balenciaga.
Not new in Africa.
Whenever Africa invent her product we laugh at it, now it is in the west let wait and see how it will go viral and Africa will be the first to go in for the same product 😂😂

What did they make Justin Bieber wear? But I like the slippers and thats not how it should be worn.

 

Truth : Justin Bieber Did NOT Wear Those Balenciaga Bottle Slippers!

This is yet another example of FAKE NEWS on social media, and here are the reasons why…

Fact #1 : Balenciaga Bottle Slippers Do NOT Exist

First, let me just state that Balenciaga did not create any bottle slippers.

Despite a viral photo showing that these bottle slippers can be purchased on the Balenciaga website for €895, they do not exist.

Fact #2 : Balenciaga Bottle Slippers Were Created By neondazer

The Balenciaga bottle slippers were just a concept created by a Russian artist / designer called neondazer (Max Arnautov).

He posted the viral photos of Balenciaga bottle slippers, including the edited photo of Justin Bieber wearing them, on his Instagram on August 25, 2022.

Wassup hypebeasts, cop or drop? 😂

Meta-irony and metamodernism are best friends of modern fashion, guys. I guess this concept is meta-ironic towards Balenciaga, which became meta-ironic brand itself thanks to @Demna.

When this idea came to me, I thought: “So f*cking funny! But… I will not be surprised if Balenciaga gonna do something like that for real.”

They released earrings made of laces, destroyed Paris sneakers, a trench shitted by birds.. so this bottle slippers are fitting perfectly! Cuz it’s all about overconsumption and its fruits.

Campaign photo by: @Balenciaga
Model: @justinbieber

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Fact #3 : Justin Bieber Photo Was From Balenciaga Fall 2021 Campaign

The Justin Bieber photo that neondazer edited was taken from the Balenciaga Fall 2021 campaign, per GQ.

Taken by photographer Katy Grannan, it featured a clean-shaven Justin Bieber wearing a black leather bomber, scrunchy black sweatpants, white tube socks… and a pair of Balenciaga dad core running sneakers.

neondazer edited out the dadcore running sneakers, and replaced them with his own bottle slippers.

Here is a comparison of the original photo (left) and the edited photo (right). Very nice photo-editing.

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Fact #4 : This Is Just Another Example Of Celebrity Fake News

While these photos are arguably satire by an artist, they are being used by many blogs to drive traffic and increase page views for ad money.

Here are examples of other celebrity fake news that we debunked earlier:

Please be wary when you read viral celebrity news like this. Be sure to check if they are real before sharing!

Don’t forget to SHARE this fact check article out!

 

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Support my work through a bank transfer /  PayPal / credit card!

Name : Adrian Wong
Bank Transfer : CIMB 7064555917 (Swift Code : CIBBMYKL)
Credit Card / Paypal : https://paypal.me/techarp

Dr. Adrian Wong has been writing about tech and science since 1997, even publishing a book with Prentice Hall called Breaking Through The BIOS Barrier (ISBN 978-0131455368) while in medical school.

He continues to devote countless hours every day writing about tech, medicine and science, in his pursuit of facts in a post-truth world.

 

Recommended Reading

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Did Magic Johnson Donate HIV-Infected Blood?!

Was NBA legend Magic Johnson caught donating HIV-infected blood?!

Take a look at the viral claim, and find out what the facts really are!

 

Claim : Magic Johnson Donated HIV-Infected Blood!

A photo of Magic Johnson has gone viral, with many people posting it as evidence that he donated HIV-infected blood, together with outraged comments “Explain this!” and “No fucking way you are serious”

The viral photo came with this description, dated 18 August 2022, 3:39 PM :

Earlier today, NBA legend Magic Johnson donated some of his blood to the Red Cross to help underprivileged communities fight COVID-19.

Another version circulated in 2015, with this claim :

Retired NBA star, Earvin ‘Magic’ Johnson, has decided to run a blood drive in conjunction with American Red Cross to support the National Awareness Month for Leukemia and Lymphoma. So far, Johnson has had a [sic] of 1,827 donors including himself and has saved about 438 patients so far.

 

Truth : Magic Johnson Did Not Donate HIV-Infected Blood!

This is yet another example of FAKE NEWS circulating on social media, and here are the reasons why…

Fact #1 : Magic Johnson Never Donated Blood

Magic Johnson has been living with HIV for over 30 years now, after announcing that he tested positive for HIV in 1991, and retiring from the NBA.

As a HIV-positive person, he is not allowed to donate blood, and has never donated blood. He publicly announced this in a tweet on August 23, 2022 :

I’m aware of the false story circling the internet, and to be clear, I have never donated blood.

Fact #2 : Photo Is A 10 Years Old Screenshot

The viral photo is not new. Neither was it really a photo.

It was actually a screenshot from a documentary from 10 years ago – Endgame: AIDS in Black America, that was released in 2012.

Fact #3 : Photo Shows Magic Johnson Getting His Blood Taken

The screenshot was taken from a part of the documentary where Magic Johnson is shown undergoing a medical examination, which involved taking a blood sample.

It does not show him giving blood. It only shows him giving a blood sample.

Fact #4 : 2022 Fake Post Was Created By Satire Account

The 2022 version was created by a satire account on Twitter – @cocksources. Its profile states that part of its mission was “spreading narratives with misinformation (satire)“.

Unfortunately, many did not realise that it was created as satire, especially when people posted screenshots of the original post.

Fact #5 : Blood Donations Cannot Fight COVID-19

Blood donations do not help people infected with COVID-19, so the claim that Magic Johnson donated blood to help underprivileged communities fight COVID-19 is utter nonsense.

Vaccines, not blood donations, are needed to help underprivileged communities fight COVID-19.

 

Please Support My Work!

Support my work through a bank transfer /  PayPal / credit card!

Name : Adrian Wong
Bank Transfer : CIMB 7064555917 (Swift Code : CIBBMYKL)
Credit Card / Paypal : https://paypal.me/techarp

Dr. Adrian Wong has been writing about tech and science since 1997, even publishing a book with Prentice Hall called Breaking Through The BIOS Barrier (ISBN 978-0131455368) while in medical school.

He continues to devote countless hours every day writing about tech, medicine and science, in his pursuit of facts in a post-truth world.

 

Recommended Reading

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Support Tech ARP!

Please support us by visiting our sponsors, participating in the Tech ARP Forums, or donating to our fund. Thank you!

Mandatory Penis Inspection In School Was Just A Prank!

The viral letter about mandatory penis inspection in a Bandar Kinrara school was a student’s prank!

Here is what you need to know…

 

Mandatory Penis Inspection In School? What’s Going On?!

A letter that purportedly showed the Malaysia Ministry of Education calling for mandatory penis inspection at SMK Seksyen 4 Bandar Kinrara went viral on social media.

ATTENTION ALL STUDENTS OF
SMK SEKSYEN 4 BANDAR KINRARA:
MANDATORY PENIS INSPECTION

To all male students of SMK Seksyen 4 Bandar Kinrara:

The Ministry of Education requires us to conduct mandatory penis inspections on all male students at SMK Seksyen 4 Bandar Kinrara in accordance with Health Code 6,9. This year’s penis inspection will take place on Wednesday, March 20th, 2019 during Assembly. All circumcised males should report to the Bilik Disiplin (280), and all uncircumcised males should report to the Bilik Media (273). There will be on ONE makeup date on Wednesday, March 20th, 2019 at 8:00 AM. If you are unable lo attend either inspection dale, a district official can arrange to meet with you on your own time (call 03-8075 xxxx to arrange an appointment

NOTE: All male students MUST attend an inspection, or they WALL NOT Receive their 2020 SPM SLIPI

A traditional UK “Pass-or-Fail” method will be used in the inspection. Please ensure that all penises are clean and orderly, as there will be no special circumstances. Note that SPM SLIP 2020 will not be issued by the Ministry of Education to any individual with an erection.

If you have any questions about the inspection, contact Puan Sri Lan Lan, Ministry of Education appointment Genital Commission official.

 

Mandatory Penis Inspection In School Was Just A Prank!

SMK Seksyen 4 Bandar Kinrara administrative senior assistant Muhammad Asri Heman clarified that the viral letter on penis inspection was merely a “prank” by one of their students.

He said that neither the school or the education ministry had conduction any penis inspection, and that the student was suspended and “action had been taken against him“.

Asri said that the student posted the letter on his social media page, after there were initial concerns by Form 5 students that someone may be checking their private parts in the toilets.

Despite the Malaysia Ministry of Education (KPM) logo, it seems obvious that this was meant to be satire, with over-the-top details, including an admonishment about erections.

All things considered – it was a pretty funny piece. This kid has a future in writing. I just hope he doesn’t misuse it to create fake news in the future.

 

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He continues to devote countless hours every day writing about tech, medicine and science, in his pursuit of facts in a post-truth world.

 

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Hollywood Celebrities Start Vax-A-Thon To Fight Antivaxxers!

Hollywood celebrities are angry at antivaxxers, and have started a Vax-A-Thon to fight back!

 

Hollywood Celebrities To Antivaxxers : Piss Off!

Hollywood celebrities aren’t the brightest bulbs in America, but even they have finally gotten angry at antivaxxers for constantly claiming that they were being killed or injured by the vaccine.

No one was spared – Betty White, Louie Anderson, Bob Saget, Taylor Hawkins, and the great Bruce Willis!

Even worse – antivaxxers went after their own, claiming that stridently antivax Meat Loaf died from his booster dose!

That led antivax Jessica Biel to tearfully plead in a recent Rolling Stone interview :

What they did to Meat Loaf was wrong. So unfair! We did so much for them and they turned on us!

I’m all natural, 100% Pure Blood detoxed a thousand times! If I die, it’s not because of the vaccine!

Read more : Did Bruce Willis Get Aphasia From COVID-19 Vaccine?!

 

Hollywood Celebrities Start Vax-A-Thon To Fight Antivaxxers!

When antivaxxers started going after Bruce Willis, something broke. Not a dam. Maybe the rose-tinted glasses they have been wearing in the past two years.

So they got together for some mimosas and decided to do something about it – A Vax-A-Thon, with a twist.

For every $1000 donation to the FDA, you will get an autographed card of your favourite pharmaceutical executive. Pfizer’s Albert Bourla was reportedly 2:1 as popular as Moderna’s Stéphane Bancel. But Johnson & Johnson will give out cards signed by Ye, since they have no one famous on their team.

But here’s the kicker – if you can cough up a cool $1 million, you can get your favourite Hollywood celebrity to either receive or consume an ENTIRE COVID-19 vaccine vial of your choice!

Deadpool actor Ryan Reynolds and beloved country songstress Dolly Parton were amongst the first celebrities to get a full vial “the traditional way” this morning, and say that they have never felt better in their lives!

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow declined to get the shot in her Pure Blood body, but will prepare and drink a delicious Moderna sorbet (recipe to be shared on Goop) on YouTube Live next week.

Jim Carrey reportedly wanted to reprise his 1997 “man kiss” of Alicia Silverstone with Paltrow on her YouTube Live stream, and slurp the Moderna sorbet from her mouth.

That Paltrow-Carrey livestream will certainly be interesting… if it happens! Brad Falchuk allegedly told Carrey to keep his super-big mouth out of his wife’s mouth.

Nicki Minaj, unfortunately, is not in the list of participating celebrities. Her spokesperson, however, issued a statement saying that she would be open to getting the full vial if Pfizer comes out with a version that gives her nails like Wolverine.

Oddball celebrity Steven Seagal asked to participate, but wished to gift the vial to his good friend, Vladimir Putin, who is forced to sit at really long tables because he was only vaccinated with Sputnik V. No word yet on whether his request was taken seriously, or laughed out of Tinseltown…

But if you are a Putin fan and want to keep him alive for another invasion of Georgia or the Baltic states, make sure you have $1 million handy!

 

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Fact Check : Parishioners Go Down On Pastor For Holy Milk?

Did female parishioners go down on an evangelical pastor in Brazil, for his holy milk?

Find out what’s this holy milk business all about, and what the FACTS really are!

 

Parishioners Go Down On Pastor For Holy Milk?

This viral news has been circulating in several forms over the years. And it keeps getting shared as something new.

Many people just share the pictures, with some comments about the pastor offering his female parishioners his holy milk.

This is the “full version” that some are sharing, and is being posted on various “viral websites”.

Pastor Makes Females Give Oral In Church, Says To Get Holy Milk

Sao Paulo: An evangelical pastor has been arrested for raping his faithful, after convincing them that his reproductive organs contained “holy milk” which they need for holy healing.

Sobrino Valdeci Picanto, an evangelical pastor from Brazil, persuaded his followers that he practiced his strange beliefs because it was the way he preached the word, saying that his ‘milk’ was sacred.

And this pastor said his reproductives was blessed and that “the Lord had consecrated with divine milk of the Holy Spirit” and of course, had to go around evangelizing.

 

Pastor Valdeci’s Holy Milk : The Truth

The truth is this is just a fake story, created by a “satire” website, and reposted by many viral websites for the purpose of getting page views.

Here are the reasons why this is just another fake story…

Fact #1 : Sobrino Valdeci Picanto Does Not Exist

There is no Brazilian named Sobrino Valdeci Picanto as far as we can tell, much less an evangelical pastor called Sobrino Valdeci Picanto. For an evangelical priest, he seems to have an extremely focused and limited digital footprint.

There are over 4,300 references to “Sobrino Valdeci Picanto” in Google and every single one of them referred to the same fake story.

More importantly, none of them were from a credible source like O Globo, The Rio Times, or even tabloids like Super Notícia.

Fact #2 : That Lady Ate Grass, Not Holy Milk

The picture showing a lady about to puke her guts out, is actually a picture of a South African lady who just ate grass on the orders of her pastor.

In January 2014, Pastor Lesego Daniel ordered his congregation to get on their knees and eat grass to “be closer to God”.

God is at work and His people are testifying right now at the farm. TO GOD BE THE GLORY.”

After they ate the grass outside Rabboni Centre Ministries in Garankuwa (just north of Pretoria), he stomped on them until they vomited.

Fact #3 : The Lady In Screenshot Is A Porn Star

The “leaked video” does not exist, and the lady in the “screenshot” is actually a porn star called Tiffany Six.

The picture was a crop from a screenshot from one of her porn movies.

Fact #4 : It Was Created By Jesus Manero

This fake story was created by Victor Berriel, who posted it on the Brazilian satire blog, Jesus Manero on 11 January 2012.

The pastor in the original version was actually called “Valdecir Picanto Sobrinho“, not “Sobrino Valdeci Picanto”.

Here is a screenshot of the original Jesus Manero article, in Portuguese.

Please help us fight fake news, by sharing this fact check with your family and friends!

 

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Dr. Adrian Wong has been writing about tech and science since 1997, even publishing a book with Prentice Hall called Breaking Through The BIOS Barrier (ISBN 978-0131455368) while in medical school.

He continues to devote countless hours every day writing about tech, medicine and science, in his pursuit of facts in a post-truth world.

 

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Did Leo Varadkar Call Rent Freeze A “Nightmare Scenario”?

Did Leo Varadkar – the Irish Tánaiste – warn against introducing a rent freeze, because that would be a nightmare scenario for landlords?

Find out why it has gone viral on social media, and what the facts really are!

 

Claim : Leo Varadkar Called Rent Freeze A Nightmare Scenario!

A post by Dr Harold News has gone viral, claiming that the Irish Tánaiste, Leo Varadka warned against any rent freeze, calling it a nightmare scenario for landlords.

Leo Varadkar warns introducing a rent freeze could create a ‘nightmare scenario’, where landlords would be forced to sell their extra houses, which would then drive house prices down, allowing low-income people to get on the property ladder.

It went viral on social media, with people sharing it as an example of a politician who is out of touch with the common people, with comments like :

  • Can’t have those low-income folks have access to housing, won’t somebody please think of those poor landlords. . . .
  • You can just say “We don’t like the poors” and call it a day.
  • But what about rich people’s yacht money?
  • Y’all simp so hard for the rich and landlords. You love to be oppressed.
  • He misspelled “perfect scenario”
  • Ooooh how teeeerrible. Are you telling me I might be able to… buy a house?  This sucks!
  • Is this guy human? I really cant tell…

 

Truth : Viral Leo Varadkar Claim Is Just Political Satire

The truth is the viral Leo Varadkar claim about a rent freeze being a nightmare scenario for landlords is fake, and is just political satire.

Here are the facts…

Fact #1 : Dr Harold News Creates Political Satire

Dr Harold News is a primarily a Twitter account, with a Facebook page, that creates Irish political satire.

It’s clearly stated in the description of the Twitter account :

FAKE news, MADE-UP quotes, and topical SATIRE from Dr Harold.

And the description of the Facebook page, which is also labelled as a Satire Page :

FAKE news, photos, memes, and comment from Dr Harold, the man who once featured on the cover of Douglas Weekly

Fact #2 : Leo Varadkar Did Not Call Rent Freeze A Nightmare Scenario

In September 2021, Irish opposition parties called for a three-year rent freeze, claiming that the average tenant was paying €4,000 a year more in rent due to excess inflation.

It is true that Leo Varadkar was against that rent freeze, but he did not call the rent freeze proposal a “nightmare scenario” that would force landlords to sell their extra houses.

Fact #3 : Leo Varadkar Backed Rent Control

Instead of a rent freeze, Leo Varadkar backed rent control, which linked rents to inflation, instead of freezing it outright.

As per the Irish Times, he stated several reasons for backing rent control, instead of a rent freeze :

  • “One person’s rent is another person’s income – it might be their pension, it might be how they pay their mortgage”
  • The vast majority – 86% of landlords – have either one or two properties.
  • The number of available rental properties was falling.
  • Linking rents to inflation was a rent freeze in real terms.
  • A rent freeze could mean that some people may not be able to pay their mortgage when interest rates rise.

Before rent control was instituted, landlords could only increase rental by up to 4% per year in rent pressure zones.

Fact #4 : Property Value + Rental Tied To Demand + Supply

It is understandable why the satirical post went viral. Anger at rental increases is a tale as old as time.

But the truth is – property value and rental rates have always been tied to demand and supply.

If there is no demand or there is excess supply, property values and rental rates will decline no matter what the landlords may desire.

Similarly, if there is high demand and/or limited supply, competition drives up property value and rental rate.

Fact #5 : Tenants Have Flexibility

It is easy to blame landlords, but tenants have one big advantage – they can always shift to more affordable locations, while landlords are literally stuck with their investments.

Tenants should take advantage of that flexibility, and move to where makes most financial sense. It is, in effect, a form of rent control.

 

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Dr. Adrian Wong has been writing about tech and science since 1997, even publishing a book with Prentice Hall called Breaking Through The BIOS Barrier (ISBN 978-0131455368) while in medical school.

He continues to devote countless hours every day writing about tech, medicine and science, in his pursuit of facts in a post-truth world.

 

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Karen Sues Air & Space Museum For False Advertising!

A Karen just filed a lawsuit against the Washington Air & Space Museum for false advertising! What the heck’s going on???

 

Karen Sues Air & Space Museum For False Advertising!

A woman from Fresno had planned to take her kids to the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum in Washington D.C., notable for its many aircraft and spacecraft displays.

But she made a terrible mistake when she keyed “Air and Space Museum Washington” into Apple Maps, which directed her to the Washington Air & Space Museum in Seattle, Washington.

That was just a 2-day road trip from Fresno, California, but on arrival, she discovered that the Washington Air & Space Museum was a pop-up art exhibition.

It was literally an empty warehouse exhibiting Air and Space.

The woman, who insists on remaining unnamed, has now sued the Washington Air & Space Museum for “false advertising”.

She insists that the Washington Air & Space Museum was wrong to display only air and space because it’s a museum, and by definition, must display “old things”.

Since air and space are never old, the Washington Air & Space Museum therefore lied about being a museum.

She is asking for a public apology and $1 million dollars for the insult to her intelligence. What a Karen!

 

Karen vs Air & Space Museum : Social Media War!

The art collective behind the Washington Air & Space Museum is striking back, calling for the public to post their support using the hashtags #NoKaren #KarenFreeSpace

The Karen and her friends have started posting using the hashtag #MuseumNotArt.

You can have your fun as an online judge, and vote for whichever side you agree with! 😀

 

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Plandemic 3 To Prove Satan’s Hand In COVID-19 Vaccines!

Plandemic 3 is here, and its producers promise that it will finally prove Satan’s hand in the nefarious COVID-19 vaccines!

Get a taste of what Plandemic 3 will reveal in our exclusive sneak preview!

Note to the Google team : There is no Pandemic 3 movie, and this is satire.

 

Plandemic 3 To Prove Satan’s Hand In COVID-19 Vaccines!

Thanks to the hard work of renown coronavirus expert, Dr. Judy Mikovits and famous autism expert Robert F. Kennedy Jr., the new film will definitively reveal the nefarious Satanic plans behind the COVID-19 vaccines!

The Plandemic 3 team has kindly given us some tidbits to share with all of you. All they ask is that you SHARE and PRAY for Plandemic 3 to reach more people with the hashtag #Plandemic3!

Why Plandemic 3?

Plandemic was a hit, but the second movie – Plandemic: Indoctornation was a failure.

Many people didn’t even realise it was a new movie. President Donald Trump notably thought it was part of the original Plandemic movie.

Based on his feedback, the producers decided to go with Plandemic 3, so people like him understand that it’s a new movie.

5G Tracker In COVID-19 Vaccines

Renown coronavirus expert, Dr. Judy Mikovits, had been looking into how Big Pharma could possibly inject a 5G tracker through COVID-19 vaccines, and had her breakthrough when public vaccinations started.

Many people started reporting that they found 5G trackers implanted in their arms after they were vaccinated.

Some of these concerned citizens sent her their trackers, and after obtaining a vial of the Pfizer mRNA vaccine and the syringes they use, the intrepid Dr. Mikovits finally figured out how they did it!

Why other less eminent researchers failed to find the 5G trackers is because they looked at the vaccine. There’s no 5G tracker inside, just a special activation fluid.

The secret is inside the syringe needle, she explained. That’s why they switch the needles before injecting people!

Dr. Judy Mikovits hard at work with her microscope!

Hidden inside the needle is a super-compressed 5G tracker – deactivated so RF scanners cannot detect it.

Once injected into your arm, the activation fluid expands the tracker so it locks into your arm muscle, and activates its 5G signal.

Dr. Mikovits shared this picture of the 3 variants she found, held in length- and colour-coded microscope attachment screws to differentiate them.

They are apparently made by the Presta Corporation, based in Baltimore, but funded with research funding from Bill Gates and the Wuhan Institute of Virology.

In Plandemic 3, she will show you how the 5G tracker is cleverly hidden inside the needle, and how it gradually expands on contact with the activation fluid.

She will also show you have to cut it out of your arm, or block its signal with a copper-lined skin patch that her company will be releasing shortly.

And yes, Plandemic 3 will flash a special 50% discount code, so be sure to look out for it!

COVID-19 Is Satan’s Work

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has helped prevent autism for millions of innocent children by praying the vaccines out of them.

The more vaccines people take, the more he prays. 24/7/365 days every day. The man doesn’t sleep, he doesn’t eat. He just prays the vaccines out of our kids. Hallelujah!

Since the COVID-19 pandemic started, he focused his considerable intellect into WHY it happened, and WHAT it really means.

In Plandemic 3, he will show you how he discovered that the coronavirus is Satan’s handiwork. Here is one example he shared with us.

After many sleepless nights calculating the different possibilities, he discovered that CORONA = 666. If this is not proof, he says, then you are blind!

Kennedy also shared how Social Distancing was Satan’s idea. He believes health authorities use this term, as a form of satanic worship.

Every time they say Social Distancing, they are praising Satan. That is also why they refuse to say Physical Distancing.

To check if your friend is a secret follower of Satan, he suggests you say physical distancing. If your friend insists on saying social distancing, he’s a Satanist!

You should also look for all kinds of word and sentence combinations that can create the word “Satan” in everything you read or write. Satan lurks even in YOUR words!

 

Plandemic 3 : Where To Watch It?

Major corporations (Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, Twitter) have been paid off by Big Pharma and the New World Order to block Plandemic 3 by deleting the video.

To avoid this, the producers are planning to DIRECTLY PM / DM you a link to the video.

To obtain the secret link to the Plandemic 3 video, simply post on social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp groups, Telegram groups) with the hashtag #Plandemic3.

For every share of this article, with the hashtag #Plandemic3 and #CLeeYu, the Plandemic 3 team promises to sponsor the removal of a 5G tracker!

 

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Fact Check : Morgue Employee Cremated By Mistake?

Did a morgue in Michigan accidentally cremate their worker who feel asleep?

Find out what has just gone viral, and what the FACTS really are!

 

Claim : Napping Morgue Employee Cremated By Mistake!

People are sharing this shocking bit of news about an unfortunate morgue employee who got accidentally cremated after falling asleep on the job!

An employee of a Roseville, Michigan Funeral Home & Cremation Service died this morning, after being accidentally cremated by one of his coworkers.

According to the Police, 48-year old Paul Houston decided to take a nap one a stretcher after working for sixteen hours straight.

While he was sleeping, another employee mistook him for the corpse of a 52-year old car accident victim and carried him to the crematory.

Before anyone could notice the mistake, he had already been exposed to temperatures ranging between 1400 to 1800 degrees Fahrenheit and reduced to ashes.

Jenna Anderson, one of Mr Houston’s coworkers, says she heard him scream for about 15 seconds after the crematory was activated.

“At first, we didn’t understand where the sound was coming from. When we realized what was happening, it was too late. We shut down the heating system, but he was already dead.”

Ms. Anderson claims that the young coworker who caused the accident was a new employee, and had forgotten to check for the toe tag to make sure he had the right body.

Jenna Anderson says she heard the victim scream in agony as the crematory was reducing him to ashes.
The police has opened an investigation to determine the exact circumstances surrounding Mr Houston’s death.

Investigators have not ruled out the possibility of filing criminal charges against the employee who caused his death.

The young man could possibly be accused of criminal negligence causing death.

This one, which was apparently posted by ABC News, seems to validate the other stories about the unfortunate morgue employee…

 

Our Verdict : Fake Story By Satire Websites

For those who just want a simple Yes or No answer, this is yet another FAKE STORY by satire (fake story) websites.

Help stop the creation of such fake stories by BOYCOTTING fake story websites like Weekly Inquirer, news24, The Daily Star, Trendolizer, etc. DO NOT SHARE THEIR STORIES!

For the details why this is fake, please continue below….

 

Morgue Employee Cremated By Mistake : Hoax Debunked!

Okay, let’s start with why this is fake news, and move on to what the facts are…

Fact #1 : They Are Posted By Satire Websites

Websites like Weekly Inquirer, Trendolizer and news24 (The Daily Star) call themselves satire websites, but they are really nothing more than websites that copy and paste FAKE STORIES for the clicks.

They try their best to post shocking stories as if they are true, and doing their very best to conceal that the stories are not true. Most of them have only a tiny disclaimer at the bottom of every page, which we have to blow up to show you :

They also buried the nature of their websites in their privacy policy, hiding in the mess of disclaimers that :

Information contained in this website is for information and entertainment purposes only.

Fact #2 : That’s Not The Real ABC Website

What’s truly egregious is ABCNews-US.com, which is nothing more than a fake news website that tries to pass itself off as the real ABC News website – ABC.com.

The only reason they do this? To trick you into sharing their fake news, so that they get more page views.

Fact #3 : That’s The Hickory Hill Funeral Home

The picture they used is of the Hickory Hill Funeral Home in Fox Meadows, Tennessee.

That morgue gained notoriety in May 2016 after WREG exposed how the owner did not have an embalmer’s licence and abandoned two bodies inside after he closed down the business.

Fact #4 : The Story Isn’t Even Logical

Never mind the bad grammar and bad spelling peppering the story, the story has more holes than Swiss cheese.

  1. Even the most tired person would wake up if someone wheels the stretcher, and definitely when he’s being lifted and placed into a casket.
  2. Even the stupidest of morgue employees can see that their sleeping coworker is dressed differently, possibly even in a uniform?
  3. No one gets cremated on a stretcher. The dead body is first placed in a casket before being cremated.
  4. The cremation process takes a long time – about 1-2 hours – to reduce a body into ashes. Yet the story claimed that he was reduced to ashes even though they turned it off, after they heard him scream?

Fact #5 : It’s The Michigan Version Of The New York Cremation Hoax!

This story is nothing more than the Michigan version of the New York cremation hoax, which was posted to coincide with the height of the COVID-19 pandemic in New York City.

That fake story naturally went viral, and probably made satire websites a lot of money…

 

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Fact Check : Funeral Home Accidentally Cremated Employee!

According to the Weekly Inquirer, a New York funeral company accidentally cremated one of their employees who fell asleep after working for 16 hours straight.

Find out whether this poor, overworked bloke really got cremated, and what the facts really are!

 

Claim : Funeral Home Accidentally Cremated Employee!

The Weekly Inquirer posted this article on 11 April 2020 :

NEW YORK, NY: EXHAUSTED FUNERAL HOME EMPLOYEE CREMATED BY MISTAKE WHILE TAKING A NAP

An employee of a New York, Funeral & Cremation Service died yesterday, after being accidentally cremated by one of his coworkers.

According to the Police, 48-year old Michael Jones decided to take a nap one a stretcher after working for sixteen hours straight to the recent influx of dead bodies.

While he was sleeping, another employee mistook him for the corpse of a 52-year old person who died from respiratory issues and moved him to the crematory.

Before anyone could notice the mistake, he had already been exposed to temperatures ranging between 1400 to 1800 degrees Fahrenheit and reduced to ashes.

Jenna Anderson, one of Mr Jones’s coworkers, says she heard him scream for about 15 seconds after the crematory was activated.

“At first, we didn’t understand where the sound was coming from. When we realized what was happening, it was too late. We shut down the heating system, but he was already dead.”

Ms. Anderson claims that the young coworker who caused the accident was a new employee, and had forgotten to check for the toe tag to make sure he had the right body.

Jenna Anderson says she heard the victim scream in agony as the crematory was reducing him to ashes.

The police has opened an investigation to determine the exact circumstances surrounding Mr Jone’s death.

Investigators have not ruled out the possibility of filing criminal charges against the employee who caused his death.

The young man could possibly be accused of criminal negligence causing death.

 

Our Verdict : Fake Story By Satire Website

For those who just want a simple Yes or No answer, this is yet another FAKE STORY by another satire (fake story) website.

Help stop the creation of such fake stories by BOYCOTTING the Weekly Inquirer. DO NOT SHARE THEIR STORIES!

For the details why this is fake, please continue below….

 

Funeral Home Accidentally Cremated Employee : Hoax Debunked!

Okay, let’s start with why this is fake news, and move on to what the facts are…

Weekly Inquirer Is A Satire Website

Weekly Inquirer calls itself a satire website, but it is really a FAKE STORY website, because it does its very best to conceal that it is a satire website.

It only has this tiny disclaimer at the bottom of every page, which we have to blow up to show you :

They also buried the nature of their website in their privacy policy, hiding in the second paragraph that :

Information contained in this website is for information and entertainment purposes only.

New York is Burying The Dead On Hart Island

Due to the COVID-19 crisis, New York is burying any dead not claimed within two weeks on Hart Island, at least temporarily.

The Story Isn’t Even Logical

Never mind the bad grammar and bad spelling peppering the story, the story isn’t even logical.

  1. Even the most tired person would wake up if someone wheels the stretcher, and definitely when he’s being lifted and placed into the combustion chamber.
  2. Even the stupidest of employees can see that the sleeping employee is dressed differently, even in a uniform?
  3. No one gets cremated on a slab. The dead body is first placed in a casket before being cremated.
  4. The cremation process takes a long time – about 1-2 hours – to reduce a body into ashes. Yet the story claimed that he was reduced to ashes even though they turned it off, after hearing him scream?

The story is so full of holes, you can use it to strain your pasta…

 

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Rising Camera PSA – Don’t Be A Dick And Take Dick Pics!

A Scottish bloke just found out the hard way why it’s a bad… VERY BAD IDEA to take dick pics using the newfangled rising camera that goes up and down like… his own dick.

WORST. IDEA. EVER.

 

A Bloody Emergency!

A horny Scottish gentleman was recently admitted to the Raigmore Hospital in Inverness, complaining that his “Johnny’s got cut!“, and spewing blood out the front of his pants.

Doctors quickly determined that a rectangular piece of his male pride was neatly cut out. They successfully sewed up the wound, but the poor bloke now has to live with a permanent downward bent in his junk!

C’est la vie! Or as they say in Scotland – Is e a bheatha!

The doctors were perplexed and greatly intrigued by the wound. It was a small but perfectly rectangular. What on Earth (or in the Milky Way) could cause such a wound?

Was it the results of some misadventure in self-gratification? Or a misunderstanding with a lass?

 

A Rising Camera Clipped His Junk!

With the help of a healthy dose of scopolamine and half a bottle of Macallan, they got to the bottom of it.

The poor bloke had just purchased one of those newfangled smartphones with a rising camera. He loved how the rising camera would go up and down on command, “like his own Johnny”.

After a hot and heavy evening of chatting with a lady he fancied, interspersed with Scotch shots, he decided to prove his virility by taking and sending her a few dick pics.

He could not remember what happened, but the next thing he knew, he was screaming in great pain with blood spurting everywhere!

One of the doctors passed him his phone and asked him to show them how the rising camera worked (seriously???).. and lo behold, when the rising camera slid up, out popped a piece of the Scottish lad…

 

The Rising Camera Is NOT For Dick Pics

Me dear laddies, it be true that the Scottish Highlands are cold and lonely, without a lass in sight and only sheep to keep the nights warm.

So we geddit when you have the urge to connect with a lass of the humanoid persuasion, But don’t be a dick and take those dick pics with a rising camera!

LOOK at how much painkillers they have to give him!!!

Yes, it may go up and down like your dick, but SERIOUSLY, it is still a self-respecting selfie camera and deserves to be treated with the appropriate respect.

So… DON’T BE A DICK and TAKE DICK PICS with your smartphone… especially if it has a rising camera!

 

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Did Exploding Samsung Smartphones Kill 3 In Florida?

News of Samsung Galaxy Note7 phablets catching fire, or getting banned from flights, have permeated the Internet almost on a daily basis. Today even saw a report of a truck filled with exploding Samsung smartphones killed 3 people in Florida. Check out the report for yourself :

A semi-trailer truck exploded this morning in Florida, after the Samsung phones it was carrying began exploding, killing 3 people and injuring 11 others.

According to witnesses, a series of explosion took place in the truck’s cargo trailer, setting it ablaze.

Within a few seconds, blazing smartphones were flying in the air in all directions, hitting nearby vehicles at extremely high speeds.

“It was totally crazy! There were hundreds of flaming phones coming out of the trailer at bullet speed,” says Jamal Anderson, whose car was hit by three phones. “It looked like a huge firework with flames and explosions everywhere.” 

Seven nearby vehicles were hit by the flaming projectiles, leading to a dramatic car crash involving 17 vehicles.

Samsung Electronics has already recognized many security issues with it’s new smartphone model.

Several people posted images and videos of charred Galaxy Note7s online and said their phones had caught on fire or that their phone battery had exploded.

Samsung Electronics finally delayed shipments of its premium Note7 smartphone, wiping almost $7 billion off its market value.

The phones that exploded were models that had been recalled until further tests have been completed.

 

The Truck With Exploding Samsung Smartphones Does Not Exist

If you haven’t figured it out yet, the news report is NOT true. There was no truck filled with Samsung smartphones that exploded anywhere in Florida, or in the world for the matter. But why should you believe us? Let us show you the evidence…

 

1. The pictures were misappropriated

The first picture was of a trailer that exploded after it collided with another trailer on Interstate 10 highway near a south Phoenix suburb on November 9, 2011. The accident killed one of the drivers. The picture was taken by Mark Henle of the Arizona Republic.

The second picture was of a 46-car pileup on the southbound Interstate 75 highway on the Manatee / Sarasota county line. This accident happened on October 5, 2012.

 

2. Exploding batteries will not turn smartphones into bullets

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The Samsung Galaxy Note7 devices that were reported to have “exploded” did not actually explode like a bomb. Rather, they caught on fire.

Of course, lithium ion batteries can and do actually explode, but guess what? The Samsung Galaxy Note7 has a metal chassis and is protected on both front and back by Gorilla Glass 5. An exploding battery may split the device along the seams, but it won’t turn the Galaxy Note7 into a flying projectile.

Even if, hypothetically, an exploding Samsung Galaxy Note7 is sent flying at high speed like a bullet, it would still be stopped by the steel wall of the shipping container. Yes, shipping containers have steel walls…

 

3. World News Daily Report Is A Hoax / Satire Website

While many clickbait websites have started to post the same article, the original website was identified as World News Daily Report. It is not a genuine news website, but one that is satirical in nature. None of the articles posted on that website is true, as far as we can tell.

 

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Samsung Internet Of Trousers Fashion Range Unveiled

Samsung Electronics, a world leader in Internet of Things and advanced components, announced the Internet of Trousers, a new lineup of IoT-enabled smarter fashion products.

The new fashion range includes an exciting collection of pants abounding with innovative functions. And, boasting an array of unique, contemporary styles that fit just about any lifestyle, these smart wearables are just that… wearable.

The intelligent trousers, which combine the latest in high-tech with high fashion, were designed to address the pain points of everyday apparel. Samsung has made smarter fashion a reality by embedding the new garments with ARTIK Smarter Fashion chip modules, which communicate with the Smarter Fabric Care app.

 

Key Internet of Trousers functions include:

Wi-Fly: Gone are the days of unnoticed, unzipped trouser zippers upon exiting the restroom. Should your fly remain open for more than three minutes, the ZipARTIK module will send a series of notifications to your smartphone to save you from further embarrassment.

Get Up! Alert: Using pressure sensors, Samsung’s intelligent trousers detect prolonged periods of inactivity and send notifications to ‘get up off of that thing’ at least once an hour. Should you remain seated for more than three hours, devices embedded in each of the rear pockets send mild electrical shocks to provide extra motivation.

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Keep-Your-Pants-On Mode: Sometimes it’s easy to get carried away with the moment. The Samsung Bio-Processor in your pants checks your bio-data including your heart rate and perspiration level. If these indicators get too high, Samsung’s trousers will send you subtle notifications as a reminder of the importance of keeping your cool.

Fridge Lock: If the tension around your waist gets too high, the embedded ARTIK chip module will send signals to your refrigerator to prevent you from overeating. The fridge door lock can then only be deactivated with consent from a designated person such as your mother or significant other.

Q.U.I.L.T. (Qommon User Inclusion: League of Threads)
As with many other initiatives, Samsung will open up its Smarter Fashion ecosystem to other players as an open platform. Whether it be traditional apparel companies, top-notch designers or your grandmother knitting your next Christmas sweater, ARTIK fashion chip modules will be available for anyone and everyone.

Starting with ZipARTIK for pants, the ARTIK Smarter Fashion portfolio will expand to ARTIK S (for shirts) and ARTIK Sx (for socks, to help solve the problem of lost and/or divorced socks). These modules can run on low power while ensuring security and privacy. (Much like ARTIK 1, 5 and 10.)

 

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