Tag Archives: Joke

China Just Sent Donald Trump These Face Shields!

China just sent medical aid including face shields to the United States, but US President Donald Trump flew into a rage when he saw the face shields they sent!

 

Face Shields : Critical PPE!

Face shields are critical PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) for doctors, because COVID-19 is highly contagious.

But they are rapidly running out in the United States, because US President Donald Trump spent his time attacking China, instead of preparing for COVID-19.

Recommended : DIY Face Shield : An Easy Way To Make / Mass Produce!

 

China Just Sent Donald Trump These Face Shields!

As part of their efforts to gain soft power, China has been sending planeloads of medical equipment and even doctors to countries like the Philippines, Spain and Italy.

Yesterday, they even sent a flight to the US filled with what they called “Gifts for The Great President Trump“.

But he flew into an absolute rage, when he discovered that, instead of doctors and N95 respirators or 3-ply surgical masks, the Chinese sent him janitors and these water bottle face shields!

Accompanying the janitors and water bottle face shields, was a letter from the pugnacious Chinese Foreign Ministry spokesperson Zhao Lijian, stating :

To The High & Mighty American President Donald J. Trump,

The Middle Kingdom graciously offers you our very best experts, and the very best examples of Chinese ingenuity.

These sanitation specialists come to you directly from Wuhan, after completing two full months of training against the American virus.

Now that they have conquered the virus that was introduced into our beautiful Wuhan by your military cyclist, they will help you clean America and make it great again!

They will also help show your American doctors how to use our special face shields that we have designed to fit even the biggest American heads.

Please extend them your very best American hospitality. We understand that the Trump International Beach Resort is quite decent.

 

Meanwhile, China Sends These Gifts To Other Countries…

China also makes a point to show off the gifts they are sending to other countries, like…

The United Kingdom

Italy

Spain

 

Pakistan

 

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Rising Camera PSA – Don’t Be A Dick And Take Dick Pics!

A Scottish bloke just found out the hard way why it’s a bad… VERY BAD IDEA to take dick pics using the newfangled rising camera that goes up and down like… his own dick.

WORST. IDEA. EVER.

 

A Bloody Emergency!

A horny Scottish gentleman was recently admitted to the Raigmore Hospital in Inverness, complaining that his “Johnny’s got cut!“, and spewing blood out the front of his pants.

Doctors quickly determined that a rectangular piece of his male pride was neatly cut out. They successfully sewed up the wound, but the poor bloke now has to live with a permanent downward bent in his junk!

C’est la vie! Or as they say in Scotland – Is e a bheatha!

The doctors were perplexed and greatly intrigued by the wound. It was a small but perfectly rectangular. What on Earth (or in the Milky Way) could cause such a wound?

Was it the results of some misadventure in self-gratification? Or a misunderstanding with a lass?

 

A Rising Camera Clipped His Junk!

With the help of a healthy dose of scopolamine and half a bottle of Macallan, they got to the bottom of it.

The poor bloke had just purchased one of those newfangled smartphones with a rising camera. He loved how the rising camera would go up and down on command, “like his own Johnny”.

After a hot and heavy evening of chatting with a lady he fancied, interspersed with Scotch shots, he decided to prove his virility by taking and sending her a few dick pics.

He could not remember what happened, but the next thing he knew, he was screaming in great pain with blood spurting everywhere!

One of the doctors passed him his phone and asked him to show them how the rising camera worked (seriously???).. and lo behold, when the rising camera slid up, out popped a piece of the Scottish lad…

 

The Rising Camera Is NOT For Dick Pics

Me dear laddies, it be true that the Scottish Highlands are cold and lonely, without a lass in sight and only sheep to keep the nights warm.

So we geddit when you have the urge to connect with a lass of the humanoid persuasion, But don’t be a dick and take those dick pics with a rising camera!

LOOK at how much painkillers they have to give him!!!

Yes, it may go up and down like your dick, but SERIOUSLY, it is still a self-respecting selfie camera and deserves to be treated with the appropriate respect.

So… DON’T BE A DICK and TAKE DICK PICS with your smartphone… especially if it has a rising camera!

 

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Samsung Internet Of Trousers Fashion Range Unveiled

Samsung Electronics, a world leader in Internet of Things and advanced components, announced the Internet of Trousers, a new lineup of IoT-enabled smarter fashion products.

The new fashion range includes an exciting collection of pants abounding with innovative functions. And, boasting an array of unique, contemporary styles that fit just about any lifestyle, these smart wearables are just that… wearable.

The intelligent trousers, which combine the latest in high-tech with high fashion, were designed to address the pain points of everyday apparel. Samsung has made smarter fashion a reality by embedding the new garments with ARTIK Smarter Fashion chip modules, which communicate with the Smarter Fabric Care app.

 

Key Internet of Trousers functions include:

Wi-Fly: Gone are the days of unnoticed, unzipped trouser zippers upon exiting the restroom. Should your fly remain open for more than three minutes, the ZipARTIK module will send a series of notifications to your smartphone to save you from further embarrassment.

Get Up! Alert: Using pressure sensors, Samsung’s intelligent trousers detect prolonged periods of inactivity and send notifications to ‘get up off of that thing’ at least once an hour. Should you remain seated for more than three hours, devices embedded in each of the rear pockets send mild electrical shocks to provide extra motivation.

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Keep-Your-Pants-On Mode: Sometimes it’s easy to get carried away with the moment. The Samsung Bio-Processor in your pants checks your bio-data including your heart rate and perspiration level. If these indicators get too high, Samsung’s trousers will send you subtle notifications as a reminder of the importance of keeping your cool.

Fridge Lock: If the tension around your waist gets too high, the embedded ARTIK chip module will send signals to your refrigerator to prevent you from overeating. The fridge door lock can then only be deactivated with consent from a designated person such as your mother or significant other.

Q.U.I.L.T. (Qommon User Inclusion: League of Threads)
As with many other initiatives, Samsung will open up its Smarter Fashion ecosystem to other players as an open platform. Whether it be traditional apparel companies, top-notch designers or your grandmother knitting your next Christmas sweater, ARTIK fashion chip modules will be available for anyone and everyone.

Starting with ZipARTIK for pants, the ARTIK Smarter Fashion portfolio will expand to ARTIK S (for shirts) and ARTIK Sx (for socks, to help solve the problem of lost and/or divorced socks). These modules can run on low power while ensuring security and privacy. (Much like ARTIK 1, 5 and 10.)

 

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