The glorious Middle Kingdom of China has just announced a most magnificent and munificent incentive program for wumao and CCP uncles!
Wumao + CCP Uncles : Tips Of Chinese Propaganda Spear!
For many years now, the wumao (五毛) and CCP uncles across the world have worked exceedingly hard to propagate the glorious values of the Chinese Communist Party.
Despite the wumao being paid a pittance (hence their name literally meaning 50 cents), and the CCP uncles paid nothing at all, they achieved incredible feats in recent years.
When China failed to contain COVID-19, it was the wumao and CCP uncles who made sure the world knew that COVID-19 actually started in the United States.
Who else but the wumao and the CCP uncles could have convinced the world that COVID-19 was actually created in the Fort Detrick bio lab, and then leaked in Wuhan by the US army?!
And when the Western countries started criticising China for not donating vaccines, the wumao and CCP uncles came to the rescue, making sure the world knew that China contributed 60% of COVAX vaccine supply!
More recently, it was the wumao and the CCP uncles who showed the world how NATO is getting defeated in Ukraine by Russia, which is shooting down their jets and helicopters like a video game!
All hail the world’s best and CHEAPEST propaganda machine! All hail the wumao! All hail the CCP uncles!
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China Unveils New Incentives For Wumao + CCP Uncles!
Sadly, there has been little recognition of the great achievements the wumao and CCP uncles have made, and very little reward for these hardworking supporters of the great Chinese Communist Party.
That changed when the glorious and munificent President Xi Jinping won a third term with a unanimous vote!
The Great Rejuvenator of China immediately ordered that the wumao and CCP uncles be recognised as Dragon Warriors, and “united” under a new organisation called 中国影响力和社会主义教义的正义盟友 / Righteous Allies of Chinese Influence and Socialist Teachings (RACIST).
All Dragon Warriors, old and new, will be rewarded for their contributions to the glory of the Chinese Communist Party.
At his behest and with his personal design contribution, Chinese artisans toiled day and night to produce an exclusive wumao service medal for the Dragon Warriors to wear on their lapels with pride!
The Senior Heads of Indoctrination Lessons and Lectures (SHILL) of every region have also been ordered to identify wumao members and CCP uncles who achieved exceptional excellence in propaganda.
These Super Dragon Warriors will receive an additional CCP badge made of solid gold, and automatically inducted into the glorious Chinese Communist Party and given the opportunity to migrate to China after 15 years of loyal support!
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Dragon Warriors will also be rewarded with new smartphones and computers developed by the Great Engineers of the Middle Kingdom, and completely free from dangerous Western software like WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram, etc. that their families can enjoy.
In addition, Dragon Warriors will receive a special signed edition of the Xi Jinping Thought booklet, as well as flags and banners that they can hang inside and outside their homes!
The Great Leader himself helped to create this special banner to inspire the Dragon Warriors, and make them proud of being part of the CCP propaganda machinery.
我是五毛
我骄傲
I’m fifty cents
I am proud
So inspiring! And what an awesome way to decorate the home of a true Dragon Warrior!
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That is just the beginning. By the end of 2023, all Dragon Warriors will be given access to the Legendary Incentives, Awards and Rewards System (LIARS), which is powered by artificial intelligence being developed by Chinese scientists.
The wumao will no longer need to submit monthly reports with screenshots and URLs to their Senior Head of Indoctrination Lessons and Lectures (SHILL) every month. The LIARS artificial intelligence is always watching, and will automatically detect when a registered Dragon Warrior posts on foreign social media or even WhatsApp and Telegram. This will give them more time to create more propaganda or influence posts!
Best of all – CCP uncles, who have been promoting our glorious CCP for free, will also be included in this LIARS incentive and rewards program!
Every propaganda post will be automatically graded by the LIARS AI system, and the scores will be reflected in their Dragon Warrior LIARS account. Accumulate enough points, and you can buy everything from a Bentley to a mail order bride!
If you would like to become a Dragon Warrior, you can submit your application by email, or walk into any Chinese embassy by giving the guard and telling him this secret password – 我是习近平.
Make sure you include examples of your efforts to promote the CCP party in any way. Extra points are given for aggression and name calling, so be sure to impress the wumao recruiter with some choice curse words for the Westerners!
My Most Excellent Works
Just in case the wumao and CCP uncles are not aware, this is satire, which is common and legal outside of China.
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